Well children today we are going on journey to see some of famous bridges around Funland and especially the world-renowned ‘Bridge of A Thousand Tears’. It is exciting to believe that we are still here at Funland Family Resort. I am sure seasons have changed while here! In fact Svetlana said, very, very quietly, that she heard Vlad the Inhaler saying to other Blackcoat that he was looking forward to spending Christmas with his wife’s family now she is dead. I don’t know about that but it has been cold in the communal dormitory or shed. The rats have gone. Still you don’t want to hear such fiffle faffle when there is news of our epic journey around the bridges of pathogen county! We set off after breakfast of Chef’s Choice gruel – or attack dog vomit as Ivan calls it. It does have a certain consistency and it does slide down easily which is good for Svetlana and me having had our teeth kicked in several times by those crazy, crazy Blackcoats! We were prepared for a long trek as the bridges are quite a ways apart but the journey would be filled with culture and architecture and of course fun! Grandma could not come on account of still being crushed to death and shot. Of course Boris would not be coming as the table leg I had grafted on after his ‘Dive of Death’ had developed dry rot and would need to be replaced so I told children to be on lookout for fallen branches.
Of course was only one bridge I was really interested in! The quite well known and not architecturally unpleasant ‘Bridge of Bemusement’. This was furthest and least accessible of Bridges of Funland. To get to bridge we would have to take Chairlift of Churlishness. Upon arrival to chairlift we quickly realised that it might be in need of some reparation and that perhaps maintenance staff or ‘Browncoats’ had not had time to keep up service or safety schedule, what with their hectic schedule of torture and summary execution. Those gas chambers won’t maintain themselves you know! Svetlana and I took one seat and the children another. It would soon be time to see for ourselves the universally unrecognised ‘Bridge of Bemusement’! I for one could hardly contain myself and felt bead of sweat on forehead. This later turned out to be seepage of follicle matter due to weather. And radiation poisoning. And hair loss. Still this was not time to dwell on the minor ailments! This was Funland and here we were on yet another adventure! I sat with Svetlana trying to engage in conversation but the constant weeping didn’t help. Even when I stopped crying she still would not talk. I looked about at the amazing vista that is Funland. We had been there for perhaps two and half hours when realised that maybe would be better walking to ‘Bridge of Bemusement’. It was quite long way and mostly up steep banks and gravel heaps so I asked if Svetlana would be ok carrying our youngest on back but she said maybe would be better if I ‘fucked off and died’ so I left her on chairlift and took Elena to see wonderful ‘Bridge of Bemusment’! Eventually we came to vantage point where could see bridge. Sadly bridge was, as Elena said ‘still fucking miles away’ and we could not get any nearer due to fact was sheer climb to beginning of bridge and then bridge didn’t go anywhere.
Elena turned and looked at me in bemusement.